I did a bad, bad thing.

While the family is in Durham, I am watching the dogs for Mom and Dad. Each morning I take my dogs to play with their dogs- which makes four hyperactive, attention craving dogs total. It really is no big deal since I just throw them out back and let them run themselves into the ground, well except for Ebi who is 10. She just likes to sit in my lap while I watch TV.

For some asinine reason, I tuned into A Baby Story a few days ago and now must start everyday with a dose of pure torture. This show follows a family through the labor and delivery process. Back in the day when Wade and I had cable, I watched this show all the time and was never once bothered by the L&D. However, given that the birth is in my immediate future- this show terrifies me yet I have the TiVo set to record the stupid show every time it airs. Like a gory car accident, I have to watch even though afterwards I am sick to my stomach and have a headache. No matter how sick I feel, I just keep watching! Best part of the torture, I fast forward through the mushy parts and just watch the screaming, yelling, crying parts. Pure torture! I have no idea why I am doing this to myself.

So far I have watched a woman scream "Why God, Why?" (she had an epi, not sure what the problem was), another woman scream "Stop, stop, just stop! I don't wanna do this anymore" (she also had an epi), one where they ended in an emergency c-section, and then a mother on her 5th birth talking to the doctor while the baby apparently just fell out. The last mom was literally just repeating "I can't wait to meet him, this is so emotional" while the doctor said "Good, good, now he is almost here." And then bam, a baby was there without a bead of sweat on the mom's forehead.

Aside from the last lady, who was clearly crazy, these birth stories have made me rethink the whole 'hurry up and get here' philosophy that Wade and I have taken lately. In fact before I even started watching the show I started to freak out a little. The other night it just all the sudden hit me that I was actually going to have to give birth! Soon, really, really soon! It was the first time it seemed like a reality. Sounds stupid I know, but you just get so caught up in the pregnancy, the tiny clothes, and the stretch marks that you forget that one day you have to, ya know, birth the child!

The belly drop! (or perhaps just a belly boom)

A week or two ago the belly made a pretty significant drop. All of my maternity tops stopped covering the bottom of my stomach and my skirts got really uncomfortable. Photo proof:

April 18, 2006.....

Maybe it is just in my head but I think it is much lower! Three and a half weeks later, May 4th, 2006....

Hello again!

Sorry for no updates lately, I have been very distracted and very exhausted! First off, I went to see Drew last Friday and had a great day with him. It was really important to me to spend at least one day with him before the transplant process started today, Monday. We spent the morning in the clinic, jumped over to radiation, and then hung out at the apartment all afternoon. Drew we even feeling good enough to go on a long walk with me up to the stores near the apartment. Even after all the walking, shopping, and ya know, radiation from the day, Drew was still going strong into the evening. It was a wonderful day!

Where's Westbrook?

Despite walking until I am goofy footed (see below) and generally wearing myself out, Westbrook is still not here. My new theory on his stubbornness is this: I have not done a few of the things entitled to all pregnant women. I am going to make a point to take care of these things ASAP and perhaps then Westbrook will appear.

#1: Mid-night craving demands. I think the main reason I don’t send Wade out for cravings is that the one thing I crave most is not available at midnight… a brand spanking new Volvo SUV but I would settle for an equally new BMW X5 SUV. I am completely obsessed with both gas-guzzling monsters. Even if they were available for purchase at midnight, we couldn’t afford one any way so what is the use. (Side note- if anyone “knows a guy” or can get me a good deal, aka free- just let me know)
Anyway, the God given right of pregnancy to make unreasonable requests has not yet happened but a warning to WadeÂ…. get your night vision goggles on because big mama is going to ask for something soon and very, very late. Although, truth be told, it really would not be right of me to send him out late at night. Since I am just sitting around all day, asking Wade to go out to the store late at night after starting his day before dawn and then working a second job nights & weekends is not even remotely fair to him. Plus, I do the grocery shopping and am a convenienceenence craver- if we have watermelon; I want watermelon and therefore must have it. If we have no watermelon, I just look in the fridge long enough until I find something else that will suit me.

#2: Complete emotional breakdown in public. I am not sure why this hasnÂ’t happened yet since I become a nutcase plenty at home. However, I am pretty sure that the next moron to ask me if I am having twins may incur the wrath of my overloaded hormones.

#3: Well folks, he is not due for another 2 weeks. I keep forgetting this important little fact when I am anxious for him to arrive and upset that I can no longer get out of bed without serious pain. Due to the whole “50% chance he will be born when we flip him” Wade and I got really excited that we may have a baby soon. That was two weeks ago. Now it feels like he sooooo late. I try to remind myself he is not late, yet, but it is useless.

Patience is not a virtue that I do not have in this matter. In my quest to induce labor, I am still walking and taking the stairs like a woman training for the Olympics. Both activities definitely cause contractions but unless I want to give birth while walking, I am not doing much more than causing myself extreme discomfort with all this activity. I have made a rule to stop waddling all together when I can help it. At some points my back hurts too bad and the very pregnant waddle/bobble with one or both hands on the back is all I can handle.

Unknown pregnancy side effects...

Just wanted to add to the list of things I was never told about pregnancy: the old Goofy Foot.

I noticed a few weeks ago that occasionally when I was waddling around that my right foot was at a 45 degree angle instead of straight forward. However, any time I noticed this I would just obsess about it so I thought it was something I was only doing because I was thinking about it. Wrong. Drew pointed it out to me during my recent visit to Duke and then I started trying to consciously correct the way that I was walking… it was much harder than I thought. Mom has reassured me that it will go away with the extra weight but I am nervous that, like the stretch marks, this goofy foot of mine will be with me forever.

Zip, Zero, Zilch...

...that is how likely it is that Westbrook will be here soon. No dilation what so ever. Even if my doctor wanted to induce me early for whatever reason, she can't do so if I am not dilated. We are going to try again next week in hopes that I will be progressing and then induce if it seems reasonable.

She also didn't think that Westbrook is as big as the ultrasound detected. The weight can be off by as much as 10% but she said that while it still puts him over 8lbs at the least, he is not crowding me enough to cause concern. (That's what she thinks!) There are concerns if he reaches the 9.5lb or more range but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

So we wait.

Free stuff

Every day in the mail along side the bills, credit card offers (0% for life!), and other junk mail is free samples of baby stuff. Formula, coupons, coupons, coupons, baby soap, baby wipes, and my personal favorite....

1 Pampers diaper with sesame Street characters and "Back to Bed" written in Spanish around Burt (or is it Ernie?). Nothing else in the Pampers box was in Spanish... not the coupons, the 'how to care for your baby' guide, or the large sticker attached to the diaper that said "remove before use." Everything was in English but the diaper itself. Weird, huh?

CAR SEAT UPDATE: We went to the fire station this afternoon and Mr. Hunky Fire Guy* told us that we had actually installed the insanity seat correctly and got a thumbs up for our effort. How about that? We have the ability to follow horrible directions. We pointed out that if you push from behind the whole thing gets a little tilted and Mr. Hunky Fire Guy said "Well right, don't do that." The wobble bobble feature (when rammed from behind) is actually to help absorb the impact of a crash. Oh. Gotcha.

Also, forgot to mention that we were given a camcorder from Wade's Dad & family! We just made our first 2 minute home movie of Westbrook dancing around and various Oscar tricks. Wade has a cool movie program on his computer so hopefully we will be able to keep a video diary of Westbrook as he gets bigger.... asumming he actually decides to show up....ever. (You would think I was 3 weeks overdue by my impatience)

*He actually wasn't nearly as hunky as I had hoped. Oh well.

We need a fireman!

Between Wade and I, we have approximately 35 years of schooling, 9 of which are still being repaid in loans, plus I spent two horrible weeks one summer attending math camp. Wade is a real life MacGyver when it comes to fixing and rigging things and I have been known to be a slightly clever problem solver myself. I have no idea what our individual IQ's are, however I am sure that at the very least the combined value would equal one certified genius- although truth be told we could not solve a Rubik’s Cube together or apart.

So while we have been known at some point or another to cake walk through calculus, recite the constitution, and stop a mad man from high jacking a plane using nothing more than gum and a paperclip, (oh wait, that really was MacGyver but Wade hooked up our stereo system no problemo) - we can not install a %&*$$%$^ car seat!

We spent almost 2 hours in the garage last night sweating half to death pulling, tugging, cursing, kicking, and positioning... all we have to show for it is a car seat sitting on the garage floor and two almost parents going to bed completely defeated and shamed. We didn't think it would easy, but we didn't expect to get our tails kicked nearly this bad. Car seat 1, parents 0.

In our defense: The directions were not very clear, the photos were the size of my thumbnail, parts of the seat were not explained or labeled at all (yet they were referenced in the directions) and once all the hieroglyphics were deciphered the car seat bounced around in the back seat like an amusement ride. We followed the car seat directions the best we could, referenced the internet, pulled out the car owners manual for car specific tricks, and we were still left with a seat of death.

So today we are going to the fire station, with bruises and sore arms, to ask a big brawny fire fighter to ignore a burning building to give a bunch of idiots like us their first "Idiot's Guide to Parenting" lesson on child safety.

Proof that pregnancy was created by a man...

The best way to get the baby to drop is to walk and do laps on the stairs. The sooner the baby drops, the sooner mom pops. Walking and stair taking present a few problems for a pregnant woman like me:

1: Walking/Stairs promote Braxton Hicks contractions. The only way to stop the sometimes painful & always uncomfortable contractions AND the only way to know if they are just the practice version or the real thing is to lie down on your side. It is really difficult to find a good spot to rest in most situations unless you’re walking around your bed (this would make me dizzy) or climbing the stairs so often found in the average bedroom (yeah, right). Instead, you hold on to someone’s arm, mailbox, clothing rack, or grocery cart and wait for the contractions to stop. As soon as you resume walking, the contractions come back.

2: The theory behind walking/stairs to help the baby drop is that as you walk the baby is pushed down, hence the more you walk the lower and lower the baby will get. Problem... the more you walk, the lower the baby, the more pressure on your bladder. So now you are having contractions and need to find a bathroom.

3: Next problem, standing up for too long no matter what the activity will cause your feet and hands to swell. The only way to relieve the swelling is to put your feet up.

Inevitably, half way through any walk I start having Braxton Hicks contractions and need to stop but I have to go to the bathroom so bad I just want to go home quickly. Once at home I speed to the bathroom, notice my ankles are swollen and have to decide if I am going to put up my feet and continue contracting or lay down on my side, stop contracting, and have my ankles tighten into cankles.

Seriously this whole process was created by a man. I won't even get into the injustice of pregnancy induced clumsiness paired with the inability to bend over and pick things up.

Desperate Housewife: Day 1

Today is the first day of my leave! Actually it is vacation time at this point but day 1 of my 13 weeks leave. I hope West gets here soon so that he can enjoy the time off with me. I worry that he won't show up until super late and then we will hardly have any time together at all. Either way I can't work anymore. The travel is insane and my back/hips/baby boy can't handle sitting in the car another second. Hurry up West!!!!

So on Day 1 on my housewifery I was determined to get a ton done so I can move on to more fun projects. Today: Laundry (partial check), clean the kitchen up (check), clean up the bedroom (check by default- since I did the laundry). There is also a nasty rumor that I spent a good hour or two mindlessly playing in the nursery with baby clothes, practicing diapering on GoGi (the Goofy Giraffe), trying the new diaper covers that just arrived on GoGi, and then seeing if he would fit into the HotSling wearing all the afore mentioned items. I am not going to confirm or deny this rumor except to say that the darn dogs are lousy at keeping secrets! I will also say that the cloth diapering thing take a few trys to perfect on a giraffe... hopefully the same techniques work on a baby. I have invited Lily over this weekend for her to be a test baby, she has done such a stellar job testing out the stroller and Amby that I doubt she will let me down when testing out the sling.

Once all the house work is done, I have a huge list of projects to get done before West arrives. I think that these distractions will keep my mind off the fact that everyday I am off work with out West is a day I will be working after he arrives. Also I will be able to look back on this time as productive instead of a waste. I am hoping to work on various writing ideas including my book, finish up house projects, and one big secret surprise for Wade that hopefully I can get underway first of the next week. (It is going to make him crazy to know something big is in the works... I LOVE suprises!)

Also a note: I think Westbrook just moved back to head up position or he is shaking his groove thang to Madonna's "Like a Prayer."

A helpful guide....

This little diagram should help... if you only "think" you see him... you aren't seeing him. He is the cutest little thing, all chubby cheeks, no chin is visible but we are hoping it is in there somewhere. 

Where's Westbrook?

Here is the babe- can you tell what is in the picture?  

Baby drama

Westbrook thinks he is funny or he just wanted us to get a sneak peak at what a good looking fellow he is going to be. Either way, he made the big turn on his own! I know exactly when it happened too. At the hospital the other night he made a strange, strong movement that had him sticking out of my right side so far that my dad ran into the hall to get mom and Drew's girlfriend Jordan almost called the nurse. Everything I have read says it takes up to 24 hours of painful, contraction like movement for a baby his size to make the turn on their own but Westbrook did it in about 5 minutes. It hurt pretty badly and completely exhausted me. My mom actually had to drive me home because I was so woozy.

So there is a new plan... wait. The ultrasound showed that he is big already (8lbs, 9oz), everything looks like it should, and he is already really low. All good news, unless you consider that I want an epidural free birth and he is already huge. We are going to talk to the doctor on Wednesday of next week about possibly inducing a week early to avoid having 20lb baby and so Drew can hang out with him before heading to Duke. We shall see. Until then it is stairs, walking, swimming, and anything that will possibly induce labor!

Wade will scan the pictures of West that we got today. He is so cute with his super chubby face!!

Oh, and no c-section!!!! (at least not a planned one)

Silly Grandparent Names

Wade's Mom wants to be called Granna- nice, simple, sophisticated.
Wade's Dad will be called Captain- due to the greek fishing cap that he wears at all times.

My Mom wants to be called something that doesn't sound old, silly, or typical. My Grandmother already has the market on Grandma Llew so Wade and I are thinking JLlew. (Kidding of course...suggestions welcome)

My Dad voiced his opinion for his own name... The Supreme Commander. Not sure how serious he was but it is sticking. There is a problem with the name... can you picture a five year old boy running towards his grandpa in the park yelling "Supreme Commander, did you see me on the monkey bars?" Just what would people think. We have settled, tentatively, on Suppy which is equally silly and ridiculous but at least Child Services & the FBI won't be called on us as a potential underground militant clan. My sister (and mother to be in November!) hates the name and refuses to acknowledge anything other than the ideas of Grandpa or Grandpa Llew, but we will work on her.

The ultrasound is in 30 minutes!!!!!

Who's the better athlete?

Well, well, well... my Dad posted a little something on Drew's website, Game On, about all the amazing athletes that have come to visit Drew. Sure a few Carolina Panthers with their big muscles have swung by the room for a visit and yes, Drew played some serious chemo laced Nerf Basketball yesterday... but what about the full term pregnant woman getting successfully in and out of the recliner in the corner of the hospital room a dozen or more times without a single injury to date??? Sure there is no Olympic medal for such a performance but how about a little bit of well earned respect?

Do you need a wheelchair with that waddle?

I can tell by the looks on peoples faces, mainly sympathetic women with the "I so know how that feels" smile, that I appear to be in pain at all times. It is not so much pain as simple unease. At any given moment, Westbrook is kicking, headbutting, or twisting around inside. A quick peak at myself in any mirror throughout the day reveals that I have given up all hope of trying to look ravishing and have shamelessly settled for the no makeup, ponytail, sweatpants look.

Also, have graduated from a pregnant waddle to a bobble.

Waddling implies to me that I am moving at a constant wobbly pace when I, in fact, am moving unevenly from side to side barely bending my knees. Other than the looks are the lovely comments I get. No longer to people say with a smile "When are you due?" they say "How much longer?" or "The last few weeks are the worst!" One poor woman, the greeter at CMC, approached me when I was headed to Drew's room with the question "Do you need a wheelchair?" I was shocked to say the least! Wade was dropping me off at the front door and I thought (incorrectly I guess) that I had been rather springy in my exit from the car. I guess I actually fell from the front seat into my bobble while holding my belly and the tiny elbow protruding from my side, hence the assumption that I was in labor.

In other news: The big ultrasound is today!!!!! I am really excited to see how he looks and get an estimate on his size. I will update the blog ASAP once we get home. I have been researching the pants off of c-sections and am almost coming to terms with the idea should the surgery happen. I am just so excited that we could be meeting him as early as Friday! Mom is being huge help by washing all his clothes, I have officially signed us up for the diaper service, and Wade moved the baby essentials into our room Sunday night. I had so much trouble sleeping that night so I simply laid in bed starring at the silhouette of the Amby and changing table in the window. It makes it so much more real to have them in here. I am consumed with trying to imagine what he is going to look like and what his personality will be.

Speaking of sleep or the lack there of, I finally came up with a way to put myself back to sleep after waking up with a Westbrook attack... Cake. Lately when I wake up in the middle of the night it takes me forever to go back to sleep because there is too much to think about... work, Drew, West, life with a baby, c-sections, etc. I have become a sleepless stress ball. Way too late last night/this morning I realized that if I could just distract myself from the daily drama than I might be able to go back to sleep. Hence the cake.

Originally I was wishing we had some cake for a midnight/2am/4am/6am snack but then- BAM- asleep. No specific cake, just the idea of cake apparently will put me back to bed. Doesn't that make me sound a little insane? Well I am insane due to sleepless nights. My mind will wake up to think about the serious things going on in life but the second I would start to think about something as trivial as cake I was out like a light! I am sure it is hard for anyone to imagine why this is exciting but it is and no amount of laughter from the peanut gallery is going to change my mind. I almost can't wait to go to sleep tonight to see if this little trick of mine works again! Since you are all on the edges of your seats, I will keep you posted!

A kiss from Daddy. 

36 week old belly... I contend that it is SOOO much larger this week which is why I continue to bang into doors, walls, chairs, or anything else that tries to come within ten feet of me. 

35 week old belly